Do you remember the throwaway action flicks of the mid 2000’s? Films like Mr and Mrs Smith or Sahara that you immediately know by reputation or the poster but couldn’t remember a single scene of if pressed? That’s the category that Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard falls into: a truly unmemorable action flick that has a few funny scenes and is entertaining in the moment but one that you will never think about again after watching. That’s not necessarily a bad thing – there is a place for those kind of easy watches that don’t require much brainpower, but the Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard is such a mindless cash grab, completely wasting its all-star cast in a mess of a story that it is hard to recommend to even the most easily pleased audience members.
Following his successful thwarting of Belarussian dictator Vladislav Dukhovich (Gary Oldman) in the previous film, the now former AAA rated bodyguard Michael Bryce (Ryan Reynolds) has taken a sabbatical, retreating to an island resort in an attempt to clear his mind of the trauma he endured saving master criminal Darius Kincaid (Samuel L. Jackson). That peace is soon interrupted in spectacular fashion as Kincaid’s wife Sonia (Salma Hayek) bursts onto the scene, on the hunt for her husband who has been kidnapped by local gangsters. Once the trio is reunited the real story takes shape, as they are approached by Interpol and charged with taking down Aristotle Papadopolous, a corrupt billionaire who has taken it upon himself to save his beloved Greece by sabotaging the European Union’s power grid, essentially destroying Europe.
From here the film is non-stop bickering as Reynolds and Jackson are left to go at each other, with Reynolds given free reign to improvise and spew out jokes, some of them good, some of them not, none of them staying in your mind long enough to be processed before the next comes flying out. It’s easily the best aspect of the film, with a tongue-in-cheek tone that never takes itself too seriously (there’s even a hilarious call-out to Reynolds many well-known business ventures outside Hollywood). To call it a parody of other self-serious films in the action genre might be a step too far however, as director Patrick Hughes doesn’t seem to have any insightful commentary to make in that regard, rather falling on the conventions of the genre in the laziest way as a skeleton for the jokes to be built around. The only time that structure is ever changed is if it lends itself to a zany concept or intricate joke laid by Reynolds and those vary in their quality greatly.
The most divisive of these centres around the character played by Morgan Freeman. It’s an incredibly juvenile laugh that is plain to see as soon as it is announced, but Reynolds and Jackson dance around it for the next five to ten minutes, extending the joke to ridiculous proportions without ever introducing a new punchline. Reynolds acts as something of a double-edged sword in this regard. He is the heart of the film and carries almost every single scene with his madcap energy and constant quipping but in doing so prevents anyone else around him from having all that much to contribute. It’s a shame then that his character undergoes the least change, essentially ending the film as he started it where other characters with far more going for them are left with rushed arcs that don’t really allow for much emotional resonance. Salma Hayek tries her damn heart out with a truly over-the-top insane performance as the gun-toting, foul-mouthed assassin, constantly fighting with her hitman husband but desperate to have his baby. There are a couple of scenes where she tries to deliver some genuine emotion but these are quickly swept away in the wake of a Reynolds punchline. Jackson’s character is also overshadowed in this manner and proceeds on autopilot, while the great Antonio Banderas is barely even seen: a true waste.
Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard really doesn’t have much to offer its audience outside of acting as the Ryan Reynolds show. If you’re a fan of his public persona, full of subtle jabs and self-deprecating digs, then you will likely find some enjoyment in watching him do just that for 100 minutes. Unfortunately the film fails in every other aspect, with Reynolds overshadowing his talented cast in a clunky, rote adventure that likely landed its stars a lavish holiday whilst providing the audience little more than something to look at for a while. There is a reason these types of films died out in the 2010’s: for every solid little gem that offers true mindless escapism that audiences love there are twice as many hollow, pay-check makers that leave your consciousness as soon as they enter.
Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard stars Ryan Reynolds, Samuel L. Jackson, Salma Hayek, Antonio Banderas, Frank Grillo, Gary Oldman, Tom Hopper, Richard E. Grant & Morgan Freeman – In cinemas now.