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Movie Reviews

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Warner Bros, 2022

It’s easy to forget that the Fantastic Beasts franchise is even a thing. Next to the monstrous popularity of the Harry Potter books and films and the wider franchise’s increasing controversy thanks to its contentious creator, these films barely register as anything more than a shallow attempt to recapture the magic. The third film The Secrets of Dumbledore leans even further into the Harry Potter mythos we know and love as a cheap nostalgia ploy to attempt to conceal yet another jumbled, poorly planned instalment filled with weak characters, zero emotional investment and more plot holes than J.K. Rowling herself could imagine.

Following his climactic encounter with Grindelwald (formerly Johnny Depp, now Mads Mikkelsen) in the events of The Crimes of Grindelwald Newt Scamander (Eddie Redmayne) finds himself on yet another quest at Albus Dumbledore’s (Jude Law) request to recover a Chillen, a mythical creature with the ability to identify the purest of heart amongst the magical community. With Grindelwald’s follower Credence (Ezra Miller) – newly revealed to be a Dumbledore – hot on their heels, Newt, his brother Theseus (Callum Turner), Professor Hicks (Jessica Williams) and muggle Jacob (Dan Fogler) must embark on a desperate mission to prevent Grindelwald from gaining power over the entire magical world, encountering all sorts of terrifying beasts and dangerous magic along the way.

Warner Bros, 2022

The most unforgivable curse the Fantastic Beasts series casts is its complete lack of planning. Film to film, the connective tissue just isn’t there, with each subsequent movie never feeling as if it is written to continue character arcs or even basic story threads. The Harry Potter films were convoluted, sure, but here it feels as if every scene introduces a complicated new concept or set of rules before throwing them out the window shortly after and dumping needless exposition on us to explain why those rules were broken. It leads to a larger story that feels muddled and totally unsure of what it is even about. Who is the audience supposed to view as their protagonist at this point? Newt seems moved to the side of what was once his franchise, Dumbledore postures a lot but his contributions to the action are minimal and Grindelwald remains the ever present threat, rarely seen but often mentioned.

Claudia Kim’s Nagini, framed to become a much larger piece of the puzzle in Crimes of Grindelwald is completely absent here, as is Katherine Waterston’s Tina Goldstein – a franchise stalwart gone without a trace save for one small, unexplained appearance. Then there’s Gellert Grindelwald, essentially this franchise’s Voldemort, who has undergone a change in actor with each film. The shift from Depp to Mikkelsen was necessary, and Mikkelsen does a fantastic job at finally establishing a character that is charismatic enough to warrant the legions of wizards and witches that pledge themselves to him, whilst harbouring a darker side that makes him a sufficient threat to Dumbledore.

Warner Bros, 2022

Still, Farrell’s original shift was unnecessary and means that each subsequent actor has had to work harder and harder to make Grindelwald the threat these films constantly remind us he is. After 3 films of a planned 5, he is only now coming into his own as the villain he has always been positioned as and whether intentioned or not, that makes for significantly less investment than Potter had garnered through Ralph Fiennes’ Voldemort after the same number of appearances.

Then there’s Credence, a character once considered the linchpin of the series due to his powers as a mysterious Obscurus, who is unceremoniously tossed to the side; his lineage – the prior film’s big cliffhanger – warranting mere minutes of mention before the film promptly moves on to some new confusing plot point. Simply adding new wrinkles to a character’s backstory without addressing the previously established beats is lazy screenwriting, and while it likely means the end of Ezra Miller (good riddance), it yet again makes for a messy, unfocused film.

With the state of the franchise in general covered, we can focus on this latest car crash. Grindelwald, for one, is given an utterly ridiculous arc; shifting from the most wanted fugitive in the world, to an acquitted freeman without even being caught, to a sudden nominee for leader of the entire magical world (a political position that you think would have been important during Voldemort’s reign but was strangely absent) in the blink of an eye. It’s an unsettlingly close Hitler allegory that even relies on the German Minister of Magic to set the pieces in play for Grindelwald’s rise to power. As if that wasn’t enough, the dark wizard’s political platform is entirely based around cleansing the world of muggles, a view that gains far too much traction too quickly amongst the wizarding community. Oh, but it’s ok, because the leader must be chosen by the Chillen, an animal that can detect the pure of heart and has been tasked with deciding the leader of the entire magical world because… well your guess is as good as mine.

Warner Bros, 2022

The only thing that can prevent this rise to power, of course, is Dumbledore, who is unable to act against Grindelwald thanks to the powers of a blood pact the two made decades ago. It’s a spanner in the works for all of five minutes as both Grindelwald and Dumbledore set their minions to do their dirty work for them, despite the film showing us that either will literally perish if they do this. By the end of the film it’s all swept aside, meaning this becomes yet another filler film on the way to the two former lover’s inevitable showdown. Speaking of showdowns, the action is the film’s only bright spot – with several engaging set-pieces sparking brief glimpses of the magic of old, largely thanks to familiar props and musical cues from the Harry Potter films. A cheap but effective form of nostalgic manipulation that manages to be the only thing the film does competently.

The Secrets of Dumbledore is yet another misfire for a franchise that has no idea how to escape the shadow of the much more successful Harry Potter or how to further that lore in a meaningful way, through a story that actually warrants telling. Each scene seems to contradict the one that came before and needless complications cloud an unsure, poorly planned story from ever becoming anything other than a series of events vaguely reminiscent of a world that was once beloved. With two more films confirmed to be on the way, it is going to take a hell of a lot of magic to bring the fantastic back to this franchise.

Warner Bros, 2022

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore stars Eddie Redmayne, Jude Law, Dan Fogler, Ezra Miller, Jessica Williams, Callum Turner, Alison Sudol, Richard Coyle, William Nadylam, Katherine Waterston & Mads Mikkelsen – In cinemas now.

Rating: 3 out of 10.

3/10

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Ranked

RANKED – Daniel Craig Bond Films

The seventh actor to play the iconic 007, Daniel Craig has cemented himself as one of the greatest over the course of 5 films. Borne of a post-Bourne era of action films, Craig’s contributions to the franchise feel completely different from what has come before; less focused on the gadgetry and gaudy cars and more so on no-holds-barred action and a deconstruction of what makes James Bond tick as a person, rather than the mythical, infallible spy of decades prior. With his final turn as the super spy No Time to Die hitting cinemas, we’ve assembled the definitive ranking of Craig’s Bond films, as well as a little something about each film’s theme song, arguably as important to the franchise as a shaken, not stirred martini. Let’s get into it.

5. Quantum of Solace (2008)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM), 2008

Quantum of Solace is a perfect example of why you don’t make a movie without a script. Notoriously rewritten as shooting was underway, Craig’s second outing as 007 is for the most part a confusing mess. Picking up straight after Casino Royale and following Bond as he attempts to unearth the organisation responsible for Vesper’s (Eva Green) death – Quantum – the film struggles to find a story worth telling; constantly referencing Vesper and Bond’s attachment to her but never furthering that exploration of character.

There’s a vaguely investing storyline involving Olga Kurylenko’s Camille exacting revenge on a corrupt colonel that wronged her family and the film sets the board effectively for Quantum to eventually morph into the iconic Bond organisation Spectre, but nothing that invests you in Craig’s portrayal of Bond any more than the phenomenal groundwork laid by Casino Royale. Still that opening fifteen minutes is something else; a visceral, pulse-pounding spectacle that the film never manages to top.

Theme Song: Another Way to Die – Jack White and Alicia Keys is a pairing almost as confusing as the film’s script, but somehow the warring sounds of White’s grungy guitar and Key’s silky piano come together to form a theme song that is incredibly rousing and energetic, even if it isn’t the most memorable.

4. Spectre (2015)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM), 2015

Sam Mendes’ second Bond outing, Spectre marked a shift in the Craig films, embracing the franchises storied history where it had previously been largely ignored in favour of a gritty realism. That meant more gadgets, a more cocksure, smarmier Bond than ever and the introduction of Christoph Waltz’ Blofeld, leader of Spectre. When it works it works well, but more often than not Spectre crumbles under the weight of everything it is trying to accomplish, unsure of the tone it is trying to establish and resulting in the rare Bond film that feels strangely anaemic and bereft of excitement, even during huge set-pieces.

The way Mendes ties Spectre into Bond’s history – all 3 previous film’s villains were on his payroll – is interesting and certainly adds instant weight to the threat of Blofeld, but doesn’t do much to change the fact that Bond is still carving his way through an endless supply of henchmen, none of whom feel particularly more dangerous thanks to the Spectre moniker. The exception here is Dave Bautista’s Hinx; a physically imposing mountain of a man that is easily the best right-hand man of any of Craig era villain and who makes for some downright brutal hand-to-hand fight scenes.

Theme: Writing’s on the Wall – The sweeping orchestral hook in Sam Smith’s Bond contribution is incredible, rightly forming a major backbone of the rest of the film’s score. The rest of the song is an appropriately smokey, hazy trip through elements of Bond’s character that hint at the spectre (see what I did there?) of death looming large in the form of Blofeld.

3. No Time to Die (2021)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM), 2021

Craig’s final outing as Bond might not send him out on as high a note as he deserves but it is nonetheless a thrilling, emotionally compelling ending to James’ story. After a failed attempt on his life leaves James questioning the loyalty of lover Madeleine Swann (Léa Seydoux), he retreats from the world for 5 years, only reentering for a chance at eradicate Spectre once and for all. The pivot from Spectre – the be all and end all of Bond foes and throughout Spectre very much built up as the end of the road – to an underwhelming new villain, Rami Malek’s Safin, doesn’t exactly feel organic, but given the (at one time) finality of Spectre, you can’t give director Cary Joji Fukunaga too much trouble for the attempt.

Other than that and a few hiccups in the humour department, everything else about the film is peak Bond. Chunky, hard-hitting fist fights bring the action back to the intimate level of Casino Royale and the relationship between Swann and Bond gives the film an unexpectedly emotional core; one that allows Fukunaga to reflect on the character of Bond and just how much he has changed from machismo cliché to a flawed, fully formed person craving an exit from his life of loneliness under Craig’s guidance.

Theme: No Time to Die – Like Adele before her, Billie Eilish’s skyrocketing career perfectly intersected with Bond, and her talents are put to good use here with an ominous, sombre piece that feels appropriate to wind down Craig’s tenure as 007. Like the film, it isn’t the best song to come out of Craig’s run but it is a solid addition to the playlist nevertheless.

2. Skyfall (2012)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM), 2012

Skyfall is neck and neck for the number one spot here, a beautifully shot deconstruction of the character of Bond and the loyalty he holds for his country and M (Judi Dench). After a mission goes awry and Bond is presumed dead, MI6 is thrust into chaos when the identities of all undercover agents are threatened to be leaked by Silva (Javier Bardem), a former agent himself with close ties to M. Forced to reenter the fray, Bond more than meets his match in Silva – a spy of the same vintage from a different time – forcing him to confront his own demons in order to come out on top.

Sam Mendes brings such a rollicking pace to proceedings – beginning with a white-knuckle chase that moves from foot to motorcycle to train – and doesn’t stop until the credits roll; always beautifully shot (the Shanghai fight) and laser focused on Bond in a way that Spectre isn’t, favouring spectacle over how the action affects the character. And that character is a far cry from his youthful, energetic debut. This is a beaten down, ageing Bond that struggles to get back into the swing of things. The charming taste for vodka martini’s has turned into an almost crippling alcohol addiction and the swagger and bravado has turned to world-weariness. This is where Skyfall truly earns its place; in going beyond those surface level Bond tropes and looking at the man beneath, what is important to him and why he does what he does. The result is a touching, breakneck rollercoaster only narrowly beaten out by…

Theme: Skyfall – The undisputed best theme of Craig’s Bond filmography, Skyfall is a throwback to classic Bond songs; a grand, foreboding opus that slowly builds to a catchy, instantly recognisable hook that has yet to be passed since. It says a lot that the song also ranks among Adele’s best, a superstar performer who has an extensive body of fantastic work behind her.

1. Casino Royale (2006)

Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer (MGM), 2006

It’s hard to imagine a time when Daniel Craig wasn’t universally praised as 007, but back in 2006 he was anything but the favourite choice to take on the role. That might be that little extra push that nudges Casino Royale past Skyfall into the number one position: how massively it overcomes the hurdle of audience expectations. Within minutes you’re sucked into this grounded, post-Bourne retelling of Bond’s rise to 00 status. Gone are the shiny trinkets and cheesy ice cap melting plots of Pierce Brosnan’s heyday, replaced with brutal bare-knuckle brawls and a not confident, but cocky Bond, eager to prove himself and earn respect. It’s a refreshing lens through which to view a cinematic hero as storied as Bond, especially the fresh take on his romantic relationship with Vesper Lynd (Eva Green), the result of which inches him that little bit further towards becoming the James Bond we know.

Chronicling his first mission with the infamous licence to kill, freshly instated 007 finds himself hot on the trail of Le Chiffre (Mads Mikkelsen) – a financier for terrorist cells around the world – leading him to a high-stakes poker game in Montenegro, where Bond must keep his wits sharp if he is to survive the game and its deadly outcome. Mikkelsen’s Le Chiffre is the series’ best villain, a conniving, unscrupulous weasel of a man who plays the part of arch-villain well, but is really on the hook to those more frightening men financing his lifestyle. A Bond villain doesn’t get more menacing than a man who cries blood, yet Le Chiffre isn’t defined by this scary idiosyncrasy; a snivelling, scared man who has bitten off more than he can chew but must act the part if he hopes to survive his predicament.

The action similarly feels layered, only there where it furthers the story of Bond. Luckily for audiences, Bond is a particularly violent man and that means the action flows steadily throughout; a flurry of close-quarters encounters that Bond scrapes through by the skin of his teeth more often than not. That inexperience creates for some fascinating interactions between Bond and series staples like M (Judi Dench); unusually terse and tense scoldings that perfectly stage the adoptive mother-son relationship so brilliantly built upon in Skyfall. The poker scenes drip with tension; full of long, drawn out shots that have the audience looking for tells in the same way as Bond, before director Martin Campbell whips us away to a brutal staircase fight-scene and back to the table; exhausted and overstimulated in the same way as Bond. This is all after Campbell and Craig had silenced the doubters with the most thrilling action sequence of all 25 films: a frantic scramble through construction yards and up cranes that firmly established Daniel Craig as a new kind of Bond. James Bond.

Theme: You Know My Name – What better way to signal a shift in direction for the franchise than with the deafening guitar riffs from Soundgarden and Audioslave frontman Chris Cornell. The veteran rocker goes all out, with a soaring orchestral support backing up an already exhilarating hook. The perfect introduction musically to a totally different kind of Bond.

Categories
Movie Reviews

Chaos Walking

3 Arts Entertainment, 2021

Some films have a rough time getting to the screen. Those notorious productions that were so troubled that just seeing the light of day seems like a win in itself. Chaos Walking is one of those films. With a script which underwent rewrites as far back as 2011 to initial filming taking place in 2017 and reshoots in 2019, it has taken a whopping 10 years for this adaptation of Patrick Ness’ young adult novel to see the light of day. Enter brilliant director Doug Liman of the supremely underrated Tom Cruise flick Edge of Tomorrow, and a phenomenal cast of Mads Mikkelsen and then-unknown, now household names Daisy Ridley and Tom Holland. Surely nothing can go wrong now? Unfortunately for Chaos Walking, almost nothing outside of its leads’ star power seems to work, with poor editing, downright annoying plot devices and shallow character development resigning it to the long list of failed young adult franchise starters based on popular books.

In a dystopian future on a far off planet cleverly named “New Earth”, Todd Hewitt (Holland) dreams of more from life than the small farm he shares with adoptive fathers Ben (Demián Bichir) and Cillian (Kurt Sutter) in the town of Prentiss, a curious place inhabited only by men who share a unique affliction: Noise. All the inner-most thoughts of the males on the planet are broadcast visually and audibly in a hazy, mist-like speech bubble directly above their heads, making it difficult for anyone to have even the smallest of secrets. Life is made even tougher for Todd when he discovers Viola (Ridley) on his property, last survivor of a crashed spacecraft on a mission to survey the planet for her colony of Earth survivors. When the town’s mayor Prentiss (Mikkelsen) gets wind of Viola’s existence, he sees it as an opportunity to finally leave the barren planet and hatches a plan to sabotage her message and hijack the spacecraft, pursuing the two young teens across the planet as Todd struggles to hide his innermost – and awkwardly projected – feelings for Viola.

3 Arts Entertainment, 2021

Let’s take a look at the gimmick here that sets Chaos Walking slightly apart from the myriad of other YA novel adaptations these days: the Noise. The concept sounds interesting on paper, playing with the thoughts of its protagonist in a way that makes it inherently difficult to hide the one, huge secret in his life. It may work in the medium of a novel, with different streams of text separately identifiable as dialogue and the jumble of thoughts involuntarily projected. However when translated film, it comes off as extremely annoying and disorientating as you are met with a deluge of Tom Holland’s voice spouting dialogue as bad as automated side-character speech in a video-game. As annoying as this constant commentary is for Viola, it is doubly so for the viewer and Liman seems to realise this, ignoring the rules of his own world as Todd seems to be the only character whose thoughts are interminably broadcast. There is a big song and dance made about Mayor Prentiss being the only being powerful enough to have full control over his Noise yet almost everyone else in the town seems to be able to stop theirs from blurting out secrets at every turn, indeed some don’t ever seem to experience it at all.

There are attempts to give the film some shallow commentary on what it means to be a man, with Todd’s Noise constantly berating him to bottle up his feelings and thoughts and “be a man” but it never really goes beyond that. It’s nice to see a more non-traditional family structure in Todd and his two adoptive fathers but again the script never seems concerned to address this either. Instead it breezes through the traditional hero’s journey stereotype without ever trying to give the audience more. Holland and Ridley are both more than capable actors but fail to ignite with their chemistry. Ridley’s Viola is literally the only woman on the planet to this group of men but you wouldn’t know how she feels about that from her responses to the situations she is put in, and for a film so clearly interested in defining and breaking down gender stereotypes, it has infuriatingly little to offer. Holland’s character seems more attached to his dog than to the woman he is supposedly infatuated with, but at least that relationship offers some kind of an emotional kick, even if it does tug at the heartstrings with the cardinal sin of almost every action film involving a canine companion. Even the great Mads Mikkelsen can’t do much to save the film, playing the stereotypical villainous Mayor to menacingly cold effect. There simply isn’t much he can do with the role outside of what he does, with some third act character development so obvious from the get-go that it seems crass to make it into the big reveal that it is.

3 Arts Entertainment, 2021

The troubled history of Chaos Walking may just be the most telling indicator of its faults, with poor Doug Liman and a talented cast forced to bear this undercooked, middling adaptation on their resumés. It may not be at the bottom of the pile of YA novels-turned-films but its boilerplate hero’s arc storyline and lack of character depth make it a generic, instantly forgettable affair. Thankfully we’ve seen Ridley, Holland and Mikkelsen go on to bigger and better things since filming what will hopefully never make any Noise again.

3 Arts Entertainment, 2021

Chaos Walking stars Tom Holland, Daisy Ridley, Demián Bichir, Kurt Sutter, David Oyelowo, Cynthia Erivo, Nick Jonas & Mads Mikkelsen – In cinemas now.