There are films out there begging to be remade. 1984’s already bad Firestarter – based on the Stephen King novel – is not one of them. Give that remake to Keith Thomas, director of 2019’s breakout horror gem The Vigil and that project starts to look a lot more interesting on paper. Unfortunately neither Thomas or star Zac Efron can save this sci-fi slog of a film from boring audiences to near-death. It’s completely competently put together and Efron tries his hardest with what little material the script supplies him but Firestarter never ignites (sorry), a clichéd on-the-run thriller without any thrills.
The progeny of telepathically gifted parents (Efron’s Andy and Sydney Lemmon’s Vicky) exposed to dangerous, life-altering chemicals together during a college medical trial; Charlie (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) struggles to control her own power: the ability to spontaneously create fire at will, often with destructive consequences. When an incident at school leads to Charlie unintentionally unleashing her powers on a teacher, the family prepare to flee from the authorities bound to pursue them, until unexpected tragedy strikes courtesy of hired mercenary Rainbird (Michael Greyeyes). Forced on the run from a secret government agency and unable to trust the authorities, Charlie and Andy set off in search of a place to start over; a possibility that seems increasingly unlikely if Charlie can’t get a handle on her growing power.
Like we said, the original Drew Barrymore film didn’t exactly light the world on fire (we promise we’ll stop) but operated convincingly enough as a quirky, if badly acted eighties paranoia thriller. Barrymore was an endearingly cute lead, with the obvious improvisations of a child leading to some of the film’s best moments, even if they were exaggerated to high heaven. Thomas’ film lacks spark from the get-go – devoid of any colour or life outside of John Carpenter’s (alongside son Cody and Daniel Davies) synth-heavy score – and the pressure of carrying the film is simply too much for Ryan Kiera Armstrong, who tries her best to make Charlie an empathetic girl thrown into a terrifying situation, but instead alternates between an unlikeable brat and helpless heroine.
For his part Efron carries proceedings, desperately trying to convey Andy’s grief and abject terror for what his daughter will be subjected to should they be captured. The emotional depth is there, lingering below a surface of stupidity, with the film allowing Andy to simply walk into situations that no father would ever put themselves or their daughter in. It doesn’t help Efron’s performance that the film’s pacing is all over the place, never giving us a second to breathe with the central father-daughter relationship and devoting far too much time to poorly rendered, visual effect-laden action beats.
Then there is the character of Rainbird, an Indigenous man in King’s original novel somewhat controversially portrayed by George C. Scott in the 1984 adaptation, played here by Indigenous-Canadian actor Michael Greyeyes. He exists as a cheap caricature of a Terminator-style pursuer, completely stripped of the intriguingly strange sub-plot of 1984 and reduced to an afterthought, devoid of any threat after being easily handled by Charlie upon their first meeting. There are attempts to develop his character as having a strange respect for Charlie, who he believes to be a god-like figure, but it all feels like such a deeply off-putting stereotype that it becomes hard to watch; a strange anti-hero turn (spoilers, but honestly at this point did you think we were going to recommend this) thankfully steering things out of downright dangerous territory, even if it makes absolutely no sense.
Firestarter is bad. A completely unnecessary and unoriginal remake, Keith Thomas delivers a total misfire not reflective of his talents. Zac Efron and the music of the Carpenters and co provide some bright spots to an otherwise miserable mess that simply shouldn’t exist in 2022. Bottom of the barrel “horror” that should have been put out before it ever caught aflame (we lied).
Firestarter stars Zac Efron, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Sydney Lemmon, Michael Greyeyes, John Beasley, Gloria Reuben & Kurtwood Smith – In cinemas and streaming on Peacock in the US now.