Categories
Movie Reviews

The Black Phone

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

Thirteen-year-old Finney Blake (Mason Thames) already has his work cut out for him navigating bullies at school, looking after his sister Gwen (Madeleine McGraw) and avoiding his alcoholic father’s (Jeremy Davies) violent gaze. But when notorious local legend The Grabber (Ethan Hawke) kidnaps Finney, his other troubles soon fade away as he desperately fights to survive his tormentor’s crazed games. Resourcefulness alone won’t save Finney though, he’ll have to rely on the supernatural ghosts of the Grabber’s previous victims, communicating with him through a mysterious disconnected black telephone bolted to the wall of his cell…

Rating: 7 out of 10.

Starring: Mason Thames, Madeleine McGraw, Jeremy Davies, E. Roger Mitchell, Troy Rudeseal, James Ransone & Ethan Hawke.

Watch it now in Australian cinemas and on-demand in the US

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

In his grand return to horror, Scott Derrickson is back with a more personal tale, overflowing with his clear love and adoration of the seventies and the cinema of that period. Having done his proverbial “one for them” in 2016’s Doctor Strange (a film he is clearly still very proud of), The Black Phone feels unabashedly “for him”; a smaller scale abduction thriller with a distinctly Derrickson supernatural horror touch, wrought from a rough and tumble seventies childhood in a crime-filled neighbourhood. It doesn’t push the genre forward in any hugely innovative ways but The Black Phone is a rock solid option for 2 hours of occasionally spooky entertainment.


Here’s the thing: don’t go into this expecting a repeat of 2012’s Sinister, arguably Derrickson’s best film. The Black Phone takes a more subdued approach to its horror, after all, The Grabber isn’t worlds away from the violence Finney is likely to receive from his alcoholic father on a bender (both brandishing belts to horrifying effect). No, despite its supernatural underpinnings, the violence that takes place here is delivered by very real men, with the ghostly elements driving the plot rather than the other way around. Derrickson wisely employs the horror through The Grabber’s total lack of motive; he is completely unhinged and that unpredictability is the scariest thing about him.

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

There’s an element of M. Night Shyamalan’s Split to it – The Grabber appears bearing food in a sing-song falsely pleasant voice before storming upstairs, returning later with nothing but rage and contempt. But where Split implemented humour in its exploration of the kidnappers psyche, Derrickson seems uninterested in delving that deep, with Ethan Hawke delivering a performance that is all menace, a bumbling, stumbling murder machine with a penchant for showmanship in his abductions. Hawke rarely gets room to stretch beyond this, his face is covered by a terrifying mask for most of the film and the few hints at more to The Grabber beyond his love of murder are quickly abandoned before they pick up any steam. For what he is given Hawke plays the character terrifically but, despite the intense violence we do see, you can’t help but feel it could have been taken further.


Mason Thames, on the other hand, is remarkable as Finney. With only a few smaller roles under his belt, he is given the monumental task of carrying the entire film on his shoulders and does it brilliantly. Finney is instantly endearing as the avatar for Derrickson’s own childhood; a reserved intelligent youngster who is shy and indecisive in the face of danger. Derrickson does a great job at ensuring Finney’s intelligence feels natural – his childish naivety may get him into his mess but he’s smart enough to keep hold of a tool that can aid him – and it never becomes dull or tedious watching him attempt to figure out his situation and frantically try his next escape attempt.

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

It’s disappointing then, that that intelligence is undercut by some bizarre narrative choices. Finney is offered some pretty easy options to escape his cell early on thanks to his supernatural accomplices, but he only ever seems to haphazardly do what he needs to do. Minor setbacks seem to completely turn him off trying a way out, breaking the illusion at times that this kid is truly desperate to escape and robbing the situation of its tension. There’s a payoff and point to not pursuing these escape options in the third act, but leaps in logic of this magnitude are hard to ignore. Sadder still is the fact that the horror elements are largely relegated to cheesy jump scares, jolting you out of your seat with a bang and a horrifying image, but rarely leaving much of a lasting impression. The overarching air of unease and Ethan Hawke’s chilling performance are enough to keep you suitably uncomfortable, but its disappointing that the man who gave us Sinister is resorting to this level of jump scares.


Despite its flaws, The Black Phone is a wholly entertaining ride from start to finish, anchored by Mason Thames and Ethan Hawke’s endlessly watchable tête-à-tête and some surprisingly hilarious moments from Madeleine McGraw as Finney’s foul-mouthed sister Gwen. It loses momentum at times and the story veers into some hard-to-believe holes from which it never fully escapes but Scott Derrickson continues to prove that he is an exciting talent behind the camera, whether that be a multi-million dollar Marvel blockbuster or a contained, creepy little flick like this. You might not want to rush out to the cinemas to catch The Black Phone but if it eventually rings, pick it up.

7 / 10


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Movie Reviews

Thor: Love and Thunder

Marvel Studios, 2022

After embarking on a series of adventures with the Guardians of the Galaxy, a battle-weary Thor (Chris Hemsworth) prepares to seek out a life of peace before a distressing message from an old friend warns him of the threat of Gorr (Christian Bale) – a cursed being on a personal mission to end the existence of gods. When Gorr sets his sights on Earth and Thor’s ex-girlfriend turned super-hero Jane Foster (Natalie Portman), Thor and Jane embark on a journey across the universe in search of a way to defeat Gorr and find meaning in their lives again.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

Starring: Chris Hemsworth, Natalie Portman, Christian Bale, Tessa Thompson, Taika Waititi, Chris Pratt, Dave Bautista, Karen Gillan & Russell Crowe

Watch it now in cinemas

Marvel Studios, 2022

Love and Thunder is a Taika Waititi movie through and through, for better and for worse. 2017’s Ragnarok signalled a reinvigoration of the uptight Norse god – infusing Thor with a bro-ish charm and dim sense of humour and surrounding him with a colourful cast of characters – in a move that was unexpected but welcomed, packing all the action and emotional character beats that Marvel fans expected into an exciting new world. The sequel is Waititi fully let loose and in doing so, Love and Thunder loses itself in the incessant improvisational comedy Waititi so clearly enjoys. It’s not that it doesn’t work sometimes, but when the characters and story are sacrificed and you’re exhausted rather than elated at the end of it all, something isn’t working.


As a character, Thor has undergone a lot of reinvention throughout his many appearances in the MCU, and the start of Love and Thunder finds him in an interesting contemplative place. Pairing the God of Thunder with the Guardians of the Galaxy seems like the obvious next step in this reinvention, a natural segue into comedic hijinks that can exist on a smaller scale than infinity stone-seeking titans and Asgard-ending colossuses. Thor has been through so much, and it is natural that he should feel some fatigue. Waititi’s solution, then, is to shift this fatigue onto the viewer, completely undercutting any exploration of Thor’s mental state with joke after joke – rarely soliciting anything beyond than a chuckle – to the point where even the Guardians get so sick of it they leave.

Marvel Studios, 2022

Marvel movies have always leaned into comedy, with a quick quip often underpinning dramatic moments so as not to let things get too serious, but Taika takes Love and Thunder into full-blown comedy territory. The problem is quantity over quality. The Waititi schtick – off-kilter, improvisational one-liners interjected at awkward times – is so tired at this point, after films like Free Guy, Lightyear and Jojo Rabbit in the intervening years, that two hours of nothing else is simply interminable. Very few of the jokes here break from the formula, and those that do are rarely given more than a second to breathe before a handful more are thrown at you. This endless stream of gags wreaks havoc on the main storyline’s pacing, creating a hollow emptiness that often means you completely tune out until a serious dramatic moment is suddenly thrown into the mix and shocks you into paying attention again.


It’s a shame given Waititi’s track record. His films have always proudly worn their hearts on their sleeves and leaned into really dramatically resonant emotions, and those moments are buried here underneath all the comedy. Jane and Thor’s goofy reunion is underpinned by a heart-wrenching reality check that always threatens to boil over and create a genuinely moving scene, but the theme is never given a substantial amount of screen time to turn the tide against the onslaught. Christian Bale’s Gorr the God Butcher could have provided a moving counterpoint to Thor and Jane’s journey of loss, and Bale is giving an incredibly fun performance here, but is tossed aside and seems to only be brought back into the fold whenever a studio executive has told Waititi that joke time is over and it’s time to get back to business.

Marvel Studios, 2022

Ultimately what saves Love and Thunder from approaching The Dark World territory is Hemsworth’s utter commitment to the role. Thor is as much a part of him now as Harry Potter is to Daniel Radcliffe and the film is carried by Hemsworth’s bumbling swagger and charm. There’s an ease about him, as someone so supremely confident in this character, that you as an audience feel a certain level of confidence in letting him take Thor in new directions knowing he truly cares. The comedy may fall flat a shocking amount of the time, but it certainly isn’t Hemsworth’s fault, and a lot of the jokes that work, only do because of him. The same sadly can’t be said for Natalie Portman’s Jane Foster, who is saddled with some of the worst material in the film and given an incredibly rushed arc that doesn’t allow her to really stretch as an actor, outside of the impressive physicality she displays once powered up.


It’s been a while since we’ve had a truly disappointing sequel in the MCU but Thor: Love and Thunder is unfortunately just that. With a returning Taika Waititi that refuses to tone down his idiosyncratic humour and take the time to sit with his characters, the first fourth outing for a Marvel hero is a disappointingly exhausting one, despite Chris Hemsworth’s best efforts to imbue renewed vigour into a character audiences have loved for over a decade now. There isn’t much to love, but a few sparks here and there suggest the thunder could be brought back in the future, it just might be time that Taika took a step back.

5 / 10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Dashcam

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

Shock jock Annie Hardy (playing a vaguely fictionalised version of herself) takes her internet show BandCar – a live, improvised music stream where Hardy creates simple beats and interweaves them with vulgar lyrics suggested by viewers – abroad to London, hoping to escape the COVID lockdowns imposed on her native Los Angeles. On her first turbulent night in the city, she discovers far more than she bargains for, when a surprise guest in her vehicle sends Hardy down a dark path full of everything from demonic possessions to cult rituals.

Rating: 3 out of 10.

Starring: Annie Hardy, Amar Chadha-Patel, Angela Enahoro & Jemma Moore

Streaming on Shudder in the US now and in Australian cinemas now

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

Rob Savage made waves in the horror world with Host, his 2020 pandemic lockdown-set possession film shot entirely through Zoom. As a feat of filmmaking against the odds alone it was impressive. That it managed to be as downright haunting as it was was nothing short of a miracle. With Dashcam Savage looks to see if lightning will strike twice, upgrading from a laptop to dashcam – one that makes it far further than just a car – with another DIY fright-fest completely derailed by the polarising pandemic opinions of its lead.


Annie Hardy is, simply put, insufferable as the vulgar, MAGA hat wearing, misinformation spewing internet star; whose success is predicated on how many people she can piss off in a single sentence. It’s a unique approach, making this kind of character your lead, and there’s a question to be asked about why Savage has chosen this awful combination of just about every bad take rolled into one person. You could say that a film of this nature doesn’t have to carry a message, but with such a divisive figure at its centre, it certainly seems like Savage is trying to say something, even if the film never wants to dig into that decision. The one thing we know for sure is that Hardy’s incessant chattering is worse to witness than any of the actual scares thrown at us.

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

When the things that go bump in the night do begin to crop up – a mysterious passenger by the name of Angela (Angela Enahoro) acting as the catalyst – Savage throws everything at the screen at once. There’s nausea inducing shaky cam as Annie flees from pursuers, fountains of gore erupting and worst of all, the fine work of Amer Chadha-Patel as Stretch (Annie’s dutiful friend) completely undercut at during every attempt to authentically react to a traumatic event by Annie’s endless snark.


But for all the ideas Savage might throw at the screen, the lack of any tension thanks to Annie’s grating personality means that the horrors simply fill the screen, devoid of any tension and seeming even more unrealistic than most horror films thanks to the constant chat-stream filling half of the screen. Still Savage should be commended for going absolutely bonkers with the plot, even if you can’t quite tell what is happening or why, and a scene in an abandoned carnival’s hall of mirrors provides some genuinely inventive jump scares.

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

At barely 80 minutes long, Dashcam overstays its welcome, thanks to the mind-numbingly painful chatter of Annie Hardy. Rob Savage’s sophomore feature shows some promise and willingness to branch out beyond the genre trappings that defined him, but ultimately falls far short thanks to its insistence on sticking with Hardy throughout it all. Here’s hoping we get a more engaging protagonist for that inevitable Microsoft Teams follow-up.

3 / 10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Lucasfilm, 2022

10 years after the fall of the Jedi, former master Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) is forced out of exile to stage a desperate rescue attempt of a kidnapped young Princess Leia (Viven Lyra Blair). With the menacing Jedi hunter Reva (Moses Ingram) hot on his heels and the looming shadow of Ob-Wan’s former pupil Darth Vader (Hayden Christensen) growing larger, Kenobi is forced to rely on all his wits and help from the growing uprising within the galaxy to save the Princess and make it back to Tatooine alive.

Rating: 7.5 out of 10.

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Hayden Christensen, Moses Ingram, Vivien Lyra Blair, Rupert Friend, Joel Edgerton & Jimmy Smits

Watch it now in on Disney+

Lucasfilm, 2022

Like so much of the gap-filling approach Disney has taken to recent Star Wars fare – setting stories in unexplored time periods between films – Obi-Wan Kenobi’s toughest challenge is justifying its own existence. In a universe this expansive do we really need to be following the same familiar characters yet again? Fortunately the series has a huge leg-up over others in the return of fan-favourite Ewan McGregor, easily the best part of the prequel films and iconic in the role. He’s equally fantastic here, picking up right where he left, with an understated, meditative performance as an Obi-Wan wracked with guilt and without hope.


Series director Deborah Chow frames her narrative as an exploration of hope and guilt within a galaxy filled with dread, positioning Kenobi as a kind of helpful Liam Neeson Taken type – his very particular set of skills can help a lot of people – whose spark gradually returns to his eyes as he recognises the impact he brings to the people around him. Running parallel to that is the story of Moses Ingram’s Reva; the formidable presence of the imposing Inquisitor tasked with hunting down surviving force users rivalling the titular Jedi himself in terms of screen-time. Ingram does what she is given exceedingly well, but the role is rarely written to expand the character beyond silently seething or bursting with rage. The finale manages to add some more context to her character, drawing parallels with Obi-Wan’s own journey, but does so whilst condemning Ingram to a lacklustre mission, ending her story with a whimper rather than a bang.

Lucasfilm, 2022

Where the show falls short isn’t in its themes or McGregor’s performance, but rather the narrative itself: an unfortunately dull and cliched buddy film that drags more than it excites on the way to a thrilling finale. Chow clearly intends the show to be more of a character study than previous Star Wars media, consistently honing in on Kenobi’s mental state throughout his journey, but doesn’t bring enough interesting characters or inventive set-pieces into the mix to create a consistently entertaining show. Kumail Nanjiani’s Haja, a con-man posing as a Jedi, brings a few much-needed laughs and O’Shea Jackson Jr. is clearly relishing being a part of the Star Wars universe but neither is given much to do outside of unloading exposition.


The action, when compared to Lucas’ prequel films, is similarly lacklustre. Gone are the intricately choreographed lighsaber fights of the early 2000’s, replaced by what feels like the same retooled blaster shootouts and space standoffs we’ve seen since Disney took over the franchise. The final big action sequence aims to rectify this – a lightsaber battled overflowing with raw emotional weight and featuring some visually genius use of the vibrant blue and red lights of the blades – but is hampered by choppy, rapid-cut editing. It’s a suitably epic end to this adventure but one that proves Chow doesn’t have Lucas’ eye for the dance of the battle.

Lucasfilm, 2022

We’re living in an age where audiences expect a certain level of surprise in their big-budget entertainment and Obi-Wan Kenobi doesn’t disappoint in that regard, delivering plenty of fan-service moments for eagle eyed fans to dissect and obsess over. While these are fun to see, they don’t do enough to overcome how inessential the story feels. It’s great to see Hayden Christensen back in a galaxy far, far away and he does a great deal to show just how much Anakin has given himself over to his hatred in the intervening years, but only a handful of scenes really reinforce the loss Obi-Wan feels over Anakin and the desire for vengeance Vader has.


It’s hard not to wonder how a smaller scale story would have landed; perhaps the previously scrapped adventure featuring Darth Maul or something set during the Clone Wars to showcase the brotherly bond between McGregor and Christensen in live-action. There’s a certain element of cheesiness in seeing a young Leia running around as Bounty Hunters stumble over themselves trying to catch her that works against the more poignant story of Kenobi. That isn’t to say that what is here is awful, but it could have been so much more potent had the narrative been more focused.

Lucasfilm, 2022

Obi-Wan Kenobi is further proof that Ewan McGregor’s interpretation of the Jedi master is just as iconic as Alex McGuiness’. Buried within too much filler is a powerful performance of a man struggling to come to terms with the loss of a dear friend and the idea of moving forward without him. Deborah Chow clearly understands the character and the personal story she wants to tell here, but struggles to balance it with the other Star Wars elements fans expect – thrilling action, memorable side characters and investing larger narratives – on the way to a finale that features some of the best pieces of Star Wars content produced since Disney took over. The force might not always be with Kenobi, but it will always be with Ewan McGregor.

7.5 / 10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Spiderhead

Netflix, 2022

Incarcerated in the mysterious Spiderhead facility – an isolated prison without cells or violence where inmates are subjected to medical experiments – Jeff (Miles Teller) undergoes increasingly strange experiences at the hands of the charismatic but creepy doctor Steve Abnesti (Chris Hemsworth) which push him to his limits.

Rating: 5 out of 10.

Starring: Miles Teller, Chris Hemsworth, Jurnee Smollett, Tess Haubrich & Mark Paguio

Watch it now in on Netflix

Netflix, 2022

Having helmed the blockbuster of the year so far in Top Gun: Maverick, Joseph Kosinski’s new thriller Spiderhead looked like a thrilling shift in momentum; a creepy slow burn about convicts subjected to increasingly strange experiments starring returning Maverick star Miles Teller and a gleefully insane Chris Hemsworth. The actual result is far less impressive, but is held together through the sheer force of will of the leads and a tone that doesn’t quite work but is always so bizarrely off-kilter that you can’t help but keep watching, even if the story loses all steam long before its two hour runtime comes to an end.


The problem comes in the pacing. What starts as an intriguing mystery about the Spiderhead facility and the potentially nefarious experiments devolves to tedium by the halfway mark, as Kosinski relies heavily on sequences of experiments which don’t bring enough variety to warrant returning to the well so often. Only one of these scenes truly excites – an increasingly hard to watch look at a woman completely surrendering control over her body as substances drive her insane.

Netflix, 2022

The central premise driving the film – testing new chemical compounds promoting artificial love, a thirst for violence, or unimpeachable obedience – is rife with potential, but the sequences between these experiment scenes move the plot forward in such a negligible way that when things suddenly pick up in the last half hour, it feels needlessly rushed. A little less of Jeff’s boring backstory and a scattering more mystery and Spiderhead might have been a much better time.


Part black comedy, part sinister asylum break film, Spiderhead struggles to balance the pairing, ultimately doing neither considerably well. The humour isn’t particularly biting or subtle in its approach to oppression, but strikes a perhaps unintentional goldmine in Hemsworth’s completely unhinged performance. Where Teller acts as the audience surrogate, playing Jeff fairly straight-laced and devoid of personality, Hemsworth is the total opposite, relishing the chance to go full villain and chew the scenery as the 80’s music blasting, cheap pleasantry spewing sociopathic scientist. There isn’t much to the character underneath all this surface level sheen but Hemsworth is so committed that it is hard not to get swept up in the fun of the role. At a certain point you stop caring about Jeff’s predicament and just look forward to the next bout of Hemsworth weirdness.

Netflix, 2022

Where Kosinski seems to have devoted most of his time (and budget) is in the antiseptic aesthetic of the actual Spiderhead facility – think a mad scientist’s dream James Bond villain lair. It’s a labyrinthine series of passages and cold, lifeless concrete that surrounds the prisoners of the island, and although they receive comforts in the form of personal rooms, video games and delicious meals, the presence of imminent danger always lurks; that Abnesti’s sinister plan could suddenly reveal itself and swallow everything up in an instant.


It all makes for a frustrating watch. Spiderhead nails the technical aspects of its production and Hemsworth is swinging for the fences with his wild performance but the connective narrative tissue just isn’t there. Teller is a bland protagonist – his story uncompelling – and the mystery of the prison’s activity unravels itself into a rote, lifeless reveal and generic final act fisticuffs. A perfectly serviceable film if you’re looking to kill a few hours, but Spiderhead unravels far quicker than it should.

5 / 10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Lightyear

Pixar Animation Studios, 2022

After inadvertently stranding his ship and all its inhabitants on a harsh, unforgiving wasteland of a planet, Buzz Lightyear (Chris Evans) launches a series of desperate test missions to ensure the colony can one day escape. When the latest of these missions goes awry, Buzz finds himself having to depend on a group of oddball fellow space rangers (Keke Palmer, Taika Waititi & Dale Soules) in order to save the colony from the evil Zurg (James Brolin) and find his place amongst the stars.

Rating: 7 out of 10.

Starring: Chris Evans, Keke Palmer, Peter Sohn, Taika Waititi, Dale Soules, Uzo Aduba & James Brolin

Watch it now in cinemas

Pixar Animation Studios, 2022

Lightyear exists both as a whole new franchise and a backdoor prequel to Toy Story – the film that supposedly sparked Andy’s obsession with Buzz and subsequent purchase of the toy. It’s an unnecessary connection that really only serves to trade off the goodwill afforded it through the Buzz Lightyear name; this is far closer to Pixar’s attempt at a gritty space adventure in the vein of Ridley Scott’s The Martian or, surprisingly, a more existential piece like Blade Runner 2049, than it is a goofy adventure. And sure you could get lost in the minutiae of inconsistencies the film creates with Toy Story but these are movies based on toys and spacemen, so let’s not do that.


All that is to say that Lightyear feels as if it would fare much better as Pixar’s attempt at a brand new space adventure, rather than carrying this convoluted baggage of a beloved established franchise with it. The story it tells is amongst Pixar’s more middling offerings; a perfectly serviceable, if predictable ride that constantly propels itself forward with exciting action and solid humour, but one that rarely surprises or offers anything truly emotional outside of an early montage. Where a fresh start may have presented Pixar with a chance to really hone in on developing a story that hits with the emotional depth of their other work, Lightyear feels constrained by its Toy Story ties, and like Buzz himself, unable to reach its full potential.

Pixar Animation Studios, 2022

Where the film isn’t held back is in its visuals. Lightyear is consistently jaw-dropping to look at and, as with almost every new Pixar film, their most gorgeous film to date, proving that the veteran animation studio remains dedicated to being on the cutting edge of the genre technologically. Going back and comparing this to Toy Story on a purely visual level is proof of just how far animation has come, with close to photorealistic character models (not including the gravity defying size of Buzz’ head) and dense, richly populated landscapes creating an optical treat at every turn. The stunningly realised sunsets and hyper-galactic travel sequences compete with even the most lavishly produced live-action sci-fi, a feat that works, for the most part, to effectively mask the story’s shortcomings.


Much was made of the decision to cast Captain America himself, Chris Evans, in the titular role, taking over from series veteran Tim Allen. The change is slightly jarring at first and it does take some time to get used to after the instant recognisability of Allen’s performance, but Evans performs admirably, imbuing his voice with a range of emotions that effectively capture Buzz’s development and the lowering of his walls as the adventure progresses. It is Peter Sohn’s SOX, however, that steals the show. A robotic cat companion gifted to Buzz, Sohn demonstrates terrific comedic timing; his deadpan delivery always manages to score a laugh and acts as the perfect foil to Buzz’ militaristic attitude. Also along for the ride are Palmer, Waititi and Soules as a ragtag crew of space ranger rookies with varying phobias and foibles. They’re all voiced with heart and humour, but not all manage to take off in their own rights; one note characters whose arcs are fun but safe.

Pixar Animation Studios, 2022

That really is the defining label for Lightyear: safe. Pixar’s latest doesn’t take the usual story risks the boundary-pushing animation house is known for, delivering a fun but forgettable adventure. The excellent technical innovation and solid voice acting do well to counteract those shortcomings, but can’t shake the sense that we’ve seen this all before in one way or another in other places. An enjoyable enough time, but not quite to infinity and beyond.

7 / 10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Jurassic World Dominion

Universal Pictures, 2022

With the park now destroyed and dinosaurs let loose to live amongst civilization, the world attempts to move on in uneasy peace, with Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) – usually at the centre of all the dino-drama – now attempting to live a quiet life off the grid with their adopted genetic anomaly of a daughter Maisie (Isabella Sermon). Meanwhile, paleobotanist Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) reunites with old flame Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) to investigate a recently unleashed plague of locusts devastating the food chain, leading them to the mysterious Biosyn; a genetics company with more than a few secrets. When Maisie is kidnapped, Owen and Claire lead a desperate rescue attempt, pointing them on a collision course with Biosyn and two generations of Jurassic franchise stars.

Rating: 3 out of 10.

Starring: Chris Pratt, Bryce Dallas Howard, Laura Dern, Sam Neill, Jeff Goldblum, DeWanda Wise & Isabella Sermon

Watch it now in cinemas

Universal Pictures, 2022

Dominion, the sixth entry and culmination of this three decade, dino-centric franchise is about bugs. Yes you heard that right: bugs. If that sounds stupid and strange then turn away now: it only gets worse from here. The premise that Fallen Kingdom so clunkily set up – that of a world where dinosaurs have been turned loose and walk amongst us – was one that fans have long been clamouring for and returning director Colin Trevorrow fumbles it from the get-go, with an introductory montage (filmed as a discount Vice special) showing off majority of the footage of these animals in populated areas in one go. From here we’re subjected to almost 45 excruciating minutes of needless set-up about genetically enhanced locusts that can wreak havoc on the ecosystem and angsty teenage tantrums from a girl who isn’t even sure she should be alive.


It’s clear that Trevorrow had a lot of ideas, wasn’t sure about which ones he wanted to prioritise and ended up throwing them all on-screen as a result. And that result is a dragging, muddy mess that completely squanders any goodwill afforded it through the return of Dern, Neil and Goldblum or from the simple pleasure of seeing dinosaur carnage on the big screen again – no movie about monsters eating people should be 2 and a half hours long, period. To fill that time he machinates about everything from preservation and mankind’s impact on the environment to human rights, instead of just giving the audience what they want: dinosaurs. Sure, Fallen Kingdom was heavy handed in its approach to preservation but J.A. Bayona was confident in his direction and brought some interesting ideas to the table, outside of Chris Pratt’s godawful body comedy and screeching supporting characters. Here whatever statement Trevorrow is trying to make is buried under a mountain of filler and fluff.

Universal Pictures, 2022

That lacklustre approach to the film’s message applies just as badly to its story. The rapid shift in character for Owen and Claire from ass-kicking dinosaur freedom fighters to doting homebody parents to Maisie – a girl they literally stumbled across in the last film – is totally jarring, with Trevorrow pushing aside the pair’s complicated on-again, off-again dynamic from the last two films in favour of a boring cross-country chase after Maisie. Then there’s the nostalgia-bait of the original film’s iconic trio, whose presence sadly barely registers as anything other than a last ditch attempt to win fans back amidst a sea of disappointment. There are some fun moments and callbacks to the original films and the three simply ooze chemistry, but it’s too little, too late in a film that insists on trying to force some kind of emotional connection between Owen and his once a pet, always a threat raptor Blue.


As for the dinosaurs themselves? They’ve never felt like more of an afterthought, with only a handful of interestingly directed sequences providing some genuine tension amongst cheap jump scares and quick flashes of half-baked practical effects. Rarely does Dominion deliver anything close to tangible dread at the idea of a 65 million year-old predator stalking mankind, preferring to litter the screen with a variety of new species. While its fun to see these new creatures get their day in the sun, they barely register as a threat before Trevorrow moves onto the next, with the biggest of them all – the Giganotosaurus – barely registering as anything more than a minor plot inconvenience than the king of the predators that it was.

Universal Pictures, 2022

Even if it wasn’t the proclaimed final film in the series, Jurassic World Dominion is so bad that it makes audiences wish the franchise went extinct long ago instead of bastardising the Spielberg classic like this. No amount of fan-service or callbacks can serve as a substitute for a compelling story and the one Trevorrow delivers here is as shaky as the science behind bringing dinosaurs back from the dead. Who knew that in the age of CGI spectacle we’d get a Jurassic World film devoid of dinosaurs? Maybe Trevorrow and co were too concerned with whether they could, that they didn’t stop think about whether they should.

3/10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Top Gun: Maverick

Paramount Pictures, 2022

Called back to Top Gun academy to train a batch of top graduates for an impossible mission – Rooster (Miles Teller), the son of former wingman Goose, amongst them – Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell must contend with incredulity from his superior officers and the ghosts of his past is he has any chance of succeeding and getting his pilots out alive.

Rating: 9 out of 10.

Starring: Tom Cruise, Jennifer Connelly, Miles Teller, Glen Powell, Jon Hamm, Monica Barbaro & Val Kilmer

Watch it now in cinemas

Paramount Pictures, 2022

1986’s Top Gun was a huge deal for Tom Cruise, catapulting his fame into the stratosphere as he truly proved his chops as a bankable, endlessly charismatic leading man. Whilst the Tony Scott directed film remains a high point for its lasting cultural resonance – and hear us out here – it isn’t all that great as some might make it out to be, existing as a relic of its time with some laugh-out-loud corniness by today’s standards. Now thirty years later, Top Gun: Maverick changes all that, bringing the same campy 80’s energy and infusing it with an emotional, impactful character study of a man unable to let go of his youth, along with stunning cinematography of its patented fighter plane battles.

The subtitle here is apt, this is undoubtedly Maverick’s film and Cruise gives a layered performance as a man struggling to understand his limits and forgive himself for past mistakes. In a way it acts almost as a meta commentary on Cruise’s career trajectory, with characters constantly discussing Maverick’s incessant need to top himself and go bigger and fast each time he gets in a plane. It’s a thoughtful examination of how we view Cruise today (his Mission: Impossible franchise has become renown for topping the last film’s big action set-piece) and brings to the forefront just how game he is to make some of the most entertaining films today.

Paramount Pictures, 2022

Nowhere is that more obvious than the action scenes. It is no secret that Cruise was adamant about flying his own planes, even going so far as to instruct the rest of the cast in operating a plane and filming themselves doing so. It makes for a far more immersive experience, with less of the janky shaky camera trickery of the original and more genuine responses from the actors operating these planes. Sure sometimes it becomes difficult for these actors to act whilst operating this kind of machinery, but those little authentic touches like a joyous “woo” or nervous glance make for some uplifting, if nerve-wracking details that add to the experience.

When the stunt pilots take over the action truly soars, with terrific, and one can imagine extremely complex, flight choreography that clearly delineates between the heroes and enemies (a simple touch the original never managed to achieve) amongst the madness of the dogfights. Make an effort to find a screen with a good sound system and you will be rewarded with the seat-shaking, bone-rattling roar of the engines adding another layer to suck you into the action.

Paramount Pictures, 2022

Perhaps the most surprising aspect of Maverick is its story. It actually has one for starters – something of a feat when you consider the meandering, low stakes narrative of the first film – and is much more focused around the few characters at its centre; building the dramatic tension between Rooster and Maverick’s shared history and transferring it into the stakes of the mission facing the graduates at the end of their training. This common goal goes a great way towards bonding the group and adding stakes for the character’s that we don’t spend as much time with. Rooster and Maverick might get the bulk of the screen-time here, but we care just as much about Glen Powell’s Hangman or Monica Barbaro’s Phoenix in the heat of these intense battles.

As iconic as Anthony Edwards’ Goose was in the original, his character never got to do much outside of mothering Maverick through the academy. It is amazing then, just how emotional the film gets in exploring the impact Goose’ death had on not just Maverick but his son as well. Miles Teller is brilliant in conveying Rooster’s anger and admiration for a man who was once like a father to him, building on the foundation of the original film in ways that the campy nature of that film suggest couldn’t be done. That isn’t to say that it’s all serious drama though; fans of the original will be pleased to hear there is another extremely oily, extremely masculine beach scene and Kenny Loggins’ iconic “Highway to the Danger Zone” rears its head enough to remind you that the need for speed is very much still present.

Paramount Pictures, 2022

Top Gun: Maverick might be the pinnacle of Cruise’s action resurgence so far; deftly taking a campy hit from his past and turning its sequel into one of the most entertaining and thrilling action films of his entire filmography. He might not be climbing the Burj Khalifa or leaping across buildings but the dogfights here are shot immaculately, the commitment to the craft of filmmaking evident in every last frame. To take a film like Top Gun and bring real weight and emotion to the characters within those planes is easily one of the biggest surprises of the year, ensuring that Maverick will be remembered for its quality and depth, rather than a sweaty volleyball game. Turn and burn baby.

9 / 10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Chip ‘n Dale: Rescue Rangers

Walt Disney Pictures, 2022

Years after a rift formed between them, leading to the cancellation of the original Rescue Rangers TV show, Chip (Mulaney) and Dale (Samberg) are forced to re-team when their old pal Monterey Jack (Eric Bana) is kidnapped by the evil Sweet Pete (Will Arnett) and threatened to be bootlegged – cosmetically altering toons to star in off-brand unofficial remakes of classic movies. Plunged into a conspiracy much bigger than they had ever imagined, the duo team-up with super-fan Ellie (KiKi Layne) to investigate a string of disappearances across Hollywood and the web of lies at its centre. The only hope of saving the day is if the former friends can put their differences aside and recapture that 80’s magic one more time.

Rating: 9 out of 10.

Starring: Andy Samberg, John Mulaney, KiKi Layne, Will Arnett, Eric Bana, Seth Rogen & J.K. Simmons

Watch it now on Disney+

Walt Disney Pictures, 2022

If you’d have said that one of the best films of the year would be a hybrid animation-live-action reboot of Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers” well… I would have absolutely believed you because I am one of the few that fondly remembers the classic 80’s cartoon comedy. But for everyone else such statements would be pure fantasy. Well I’m happy to report that not only does Disney+’s latest original movie satisfy fans of the show, but it should satisfy new audiences – young and old alike – with its frenetic energy, rapid-fire jokes and celebration of animation history. A cookie-cutter standard plot is the only real complaint to be made, although is it easily disguised by the heart and obvious comedic talent John Mulaney and Andy Samberg bring to the rodent heroes.

You’d be right to be skeptical of yet another 80’s franchise reboot, and the writers (Dan Gregor and Doug Mand) surely know it, peppering the script with meta commentary on the state of these reboots and the over-reliance on nostalgia to trigger a response from the audience. Still, that’s exactly what Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers does, going all out and filling almost every frame with a litany of well-known characters across a range of animation styles (we’re talking CG, claymation, even a muppet), with so many “how the hell did they get the rights to them” cameos than you could possible spot in one viewing.

Walt Disney Pictures, 2022

The contradictorily named Sweet Pete? A washed up Peter Pan of the classic Disney film fame, complete with stubble, a beer gut and a hatred towards Hollywood. Hell even a character unleashed on the internet that (thankfully) never graced screens is a minor player here, leading to some of the film’s most hilariously meta moments. It isn’t so much the next evolution of animation as much as it is a rousing celebration of the genre and its history as a whole, stretching as far back and as wide reaching to ensure that kids and adults alike can spot someone they know and be in on the joke. Where else are you going to see Roger Rabbit dancing feet away from Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat?

That isn’t to say the the film relies on cameos to get by; the inside-baseball Hollywood humour is balanced out by the broad appeal of its leading rescue rangers and the simple but effective whodunnit. The structure of the story is as paint-by-numbers as you can get but the constant banter of Chip and Dale keeps things light and moving, with a surprising amount of care and time devoted to establishing the close-knit bond these furry friends share. It leads to some sweet moments in-between the all the ribbing and micro-aggressions Mulaney is so adept at delivering – it’s amazing how well his deadpan exhaustion translates to chipmunk form.

Walt Disney Pictures, 2022

Of all the franchises given the reboot treatment of late, it’s perhaps surprising that one of the best amongst them belongs to a franchise so niche. Chip ’n Dale: Rescue Rangers was never a monster hit for Disney, but through a clever blend of nostalgia, an appreciation for animation history and the onslaught of comedic hijinks you’d come to expect from The Lonely Island team, it launches itself not only to the forefront of this year’s comedies, but also as one of the best, most wholly enjoyable films of the year.

9 / 10


Categories
Movie Reviews

Firestarter

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

There are films out there begging to be remade. 1984’s already bad Firestarter – based on the Stephen King novel – is not one of them. Give that remake to Keith Thomas, director of 2019’s breakout horror gem The Vigil and that project starts to look a lot more interesting on paper. Unfortunately neither Thomas or star Zac Efron can save this sci-fi slog of a film from boring audiences to near-death. It’s completely competently put together and Efron tries his hardest with what little material the script supplies him but Firestarter never ignites (sorry), a clichéd on-the-run thriller without any thrills.

The progeny of telepathically gifted parents (Efron’s Andy and Sydney Lemmon’s Vicky) exposed to dangerous, life-altering chemicals together during a college medical trial; Charlie (Ryan Kiera Armstrong) struggles to control her own power: the ability to spontaneously create fire at will, often with destructive consequences. When an incident at school leads to Charlie unintentionally unleashing her powers on a teacher, the family prepare to flee from the authorities bound to pursue them, until unexpected tragedy strikes courtesy of hired mercenary Rainbird (Michael Greyeyes). Forced on the run from a secret government agency and unable to trust the authorities, Charlie and Andy set off in search of a place to start over; a possibility that seems increasingly unlikely if Charlie can’t get a handle on her growing power.

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

Like we said, the original Drew Barrymore film didn’t exactly light the world on fire (we promise we’ll stop) but operated convincingly enough as a quirky, if badly acted eighties paranoia thriller. Barrymore was an endearingly cute lead, with the obvious improvisations of a child leading to some of the film’s best moments, even if they were exaggerated to high heaven. Thomas’ film lacks spark from the get-go – devoid of any colour or life outside of John Carpenter’s (alongside son Cody and Daniel Davies) synth-heavy score – and the pressure of carrying the film is simply too much for Ryan Kiera Armstrong, who tries her best to make Charlie an empathetic girl thrown into a terrifying situation, but instead alternates between an unlikeable brat and helpless heroine.

For his part Efron carries proceedings, desperately trying to convey Andy’s grief and abject terror for what his daughter will be subjected to should they be captured. The emotional depth is there, lingering below a surface of stupidity, with the film allowing Andy to simply walk into situations that no father would ever put themselves or their daughter in. It doesn’t help Efron’s performance that the film’s pacing is all over the place, never giving us a second to breathe with the central father-daughter relationship and devoting far too much time to poorly rendered, visual effect-laden action beats.

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

Then there is the character of Rainbird, an Indigenous man in King’s original novel somewhat controversially portrayed by George C. Scott in the 1984 adaptation, played here by Indigenous-Canadian actor Michael Greyeyes. He exists as a cheap caricature of a Terminator-style pursuer, completely stripped of the intriguingly strange sub-plot of 1984 and reduced to an afterthought, devoid of any threat after being easily handled by Charlie upon their first meeting. There are attempts to develop his character as having a strange respect for Charlie, who he believes to be a god-like figure, but it all feels like such a deeply off-putting stereotype that it becomes hard to watch; a strange anti-hero turn (spoilers, but honestly at this point did you think we were going to recommend this) thankfully steering things out of downright dangerous territory, even if it makes absolutely no sense.

Firestarter is bad. A completely unnecessary and unoriginal remake, Keith Thomas delivers a total misfire not reflective of his talents. Zac Efron and the music of the Carpenters and co provide some bright spots to an otherwise miserable mess that simply shouldn’t exist in 2022. Bottom of the barrel “horror” that should have been put out before it ever caught aflame (we lied).

Blumhouse Productions, 2022

Firestarter stars Zac Efron, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Sydney Lemmon, Michael Greyeyes, John Beasley, Gloria Reuben & Kurtwood Smith – In cinemas and streaming on Peacock in the US now.

Rating: 2 out of 10.

2/10